T1+Writing

WALT - write an argument using persuasive language features to convince people to visit the Bay of Plenty.

Success Criteria My writing contains an introduction, 3 key arguments and a conclusion will state and restate my opinion I use a range of language resources and punctuation My paragraphs follow the S E E structure

Tuesday 5th April 2011

Dear all visitors of NZ

Everyone needs to come to the Bay Of Plenty.

I think that everyone should come to the Bay Of Plenty because there is lots of variety in the Bay Of Plenty & the Bay Of Plenty has everything a traveler like you would need. My first reason that everyone should come to the Bay Of Plenty is the temperatures are high so you can head out to the beach & enjoy the sun or have a good surf in the water but make sure to put some sunblock on so you don’t get burnt.

Secondly there are a lot of fun things to do in the Bay Of Plenty like the Luge you can get a lot of adrenaline out of that or the Hot pools in the mount were you can relax in the spa & enjoy yourself, also there is loads of different things all in one place like Go kart racing it has loads of different but fun things to do there.

My final reason is there are lots of nice nature reserves in the Bay Of Plenty to enjoy with your family & friends to have a day out in the Bay Of Plenty. You can see the Kiwi thats in the nature reserve in Te Puia. There are lots of nature reserve’s in the Bay Of Plenty & lots Beautiful places in the Bay.

Everybody needs to come to New Zealand to have the best experiences of your lifetime & to see the most exciting & best places in the Bay Of Plenty.

A good effort Dave, but you have no clear introduction that states your 3 main ideas. Great to see you using paragraphs and linking them also. Remember to restate your 3 ideas in your conclusion. You need to focus on using stronger imperatives to really convince to visit. Instead of using everyone use personal pronouns like "**__you__** should come". You are making progress with your writing Dave and overall this is well done, but it isn't very convincing which is what you are aiming to do here. Miss Crone